Log in

No account? Create an account
Scars and Dreams [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | MySpace ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Trip time! [02 Jun 2008|01:20pm]
[ mood | excited ]

So… yet again a long time between posts.

There has been a lot happening in that time span so I’m just going to post about the Now.

McKenzie and I are heading to Canada tomorrow. We’ll be there 3 days and see Evil Dead the Musical (we're in the splatter zone!) and (the reason for the trip) Leonard Cohen!! I cannot believe I’m really going to be seeing him. O_o It’s NUTS!

Got lots to do before we leave, as early as possible on Tuesday, but regardless I’m going to a movie with Michele tonight.

It’s good to keep busy and get out of the house.

And I might be dating again. lol We’ll see how that goes.

1 comment|post comment

a New Year, a new LJ post [14 Jan 2008|01:23pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

I’m done dating for now. I just started dating, and I’m done with it! lol


I was enjoying my time with Rob. We had 5 fun dates and I kissed him after a wonderful trip to Troy. I had hoped to spend new years with him but he was going to Long Island to visit his family. And then Thursday 3rd of January I give him a call, in hopes of setting up a date for Friday where he could come over and we’d watch Office Space and cuddle.
And BAM, he gives me the “lets just be friends” thing. O_O
Didn’t see that coming...

So I’ve been a bit miserable the last week. That combined with the Winter Blues has me not in great spirits. But with the great weather last week I spent time getting sun on my skin and in my eyes like mom said. I’m also taking Vitamin D to help me. And I had a great evening on Friday with Michele, McKenzie, James and Jeremy where we got something to eat and went bowling. It was a good time and then I just lazed around Saturday playing videogames and cuddling with piggies. So the weekend was unproductive but relaxing.

Well I guess I’m just putting dating on hold for now. With the grandparents finally coming and the beginning of a new year, I just feel overwhelmed already and don’t want to deal with other emotional and relationship stuff.
The dynamic of our household is going to be changing; I don’t need to toss in meeting a new guy to the mix.

1 comment|post comment

Upcoming weekend [11 Dec 2007|12:15pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

My Horoscope for December 11, 2007
Jupiter, planet of benevolence, gets together with Pluto, planet of transformation. This is a once in twelve-year chance to move forward. Do not get back with an ex, find someone new and look to the future with confidence. Do you want happiness?

Well... this horoscope is surprising and reassuring.
I'm going to be meeting a guy for coffee on Saturday. And although he might not be exactly who I thought I'd be interested in, it's a step forward. It'll help me move on.

And Friday I'll finally be meeting James who I have been talking to for alittle more than 2 months now. He's joining McKenzie and I for the Mendelssohn concert at the Egg.

So I'm real nervous and real excited.
And I knew it would be hard, it's like my heart aches that I'm taking these steps away from Tom... But he doesn't want me, doesn't want my love and sees no future with me.
I've always felt forms of emptiness in my life but Tom created a new kind of emptiness, which is actually both good and bad...
I have to let go and meet someone new; who may eventually feel like home to me like Tom once did.

1 comment|post comment

so this is long overdue [29 Oct 2007|02:58pm]
[ mood | confused ]

So much has happened in the last couple months... and in May I totally planned on writing in my LJ more often but that seems to have completely not worked. O_o
That always happened when I wanted to keep a diary too so it's nothing new.

And everytime I was going to update, there was so much swirling around in my head that I didn't know where to start, so I just did nothing. Kept it swirling in head obviously but *sigh* that doesn't do me much good. :-/

I had a great evening with Laurie (Tom's mom) yesterday. Kenzie made a yummy dinner for us and we watched the movie Peaceful Warrior, which was powerful and moving, as expected and moreso actually. So I didn't get a chance to talk to her much about Tom and I breaking up and why etc etc but now she knows more than she did before since he practically told her nothing. *rollseyes*

Anyway, it is what it is. I didn't talk to her as soon as I wanted, but I got to talk to her. I really missed her and I feel that we'll get more chances to talk since she wants to get together again as well. Have lunch with Kenzie and I or something.

My headache kept me awake again last night so this day has been mostly a daze... But I'm still managing to get work done, slowly, and with periods of time with my head on the desk. lol It's Monday.

I'm going to the cadaver lab at SUNY Albany with Kenzie tomorrow. I'm equal parts interested and freaked out that I'm going. *_*

And GWAR is this week! I am totally planning on not holding back at this concert, I might regret it after but Pssha It'll be worth it. :D Although I am wearing earplugs, I don't want that ringing muffledness like last time. No fun. Pain I can deal with, knees giving out I'm used to, but the ear ringing is annoying and disconcerting!

So yeah for an update! Now back to work. This was a change of pace from head on desk time. ^_^

2 comments|post comment

May - Quick post during lunch [25 May 2007|12:16pm]
[ mood | working ]

So I can't say I'm doing very well...
It's been a very difficult month with finally letting Munchkin go... With Ozgard getting sick and passing away... With friends at work needing surgery...

But I am now a college graduate. The ceremonies were long but an experience I'm very happy I went through and will always remember. The Honors Awards Ceremony was fun. But for the actual graduation dad and Tom couldn't find me in the crowd of 1,800+ students (largest ever for HVCC) and so they missed me walking across stage (plus my name was called incorrectly), luckily mother taped it at home. Apparently I had a doppelganger about 4 rows behind me, so they thought she was me. lol Although she didn't have a lovely corsage like I did. It was all sparkly and even the HVCC President commented on it when we shook hands on stage. ^_^

This last Wednesday was my 2 year Anniversary with DEC. And I was out in the field in Saratoga monitoring traps and I got a tick!! *shudders* All my years of running around in forests for fun and I go out for work and get a tick for the first time. Ugh, it was gross but mom helped me and so far so good. We don't believe it was in for very long. I'm going to be obsessively careful from now on.
I also plan on identifying the tick, we saved it in some alcohol. *g*

1 comment|post comment

yikes [27 Apr 2007|03:06pm]
[ mood | working ]

Huh... maybe I am a bit obsessed with MySpace... it's been 10 weeks since I last updated this here LJ. O_o

But I've also been busy with work. The chaos is starting up once again. And just yesterday there was a bit of a stressful situation. I guess I'm lucky, I've been with DEC for almost 2 years now and haven't really had any problem I couldn't solve. That's why I was so incredibly pissed when I couldn't figure out where the hell some equipment was. Parts are still missing and I can't for the life of me understand what happened. I'll probably be getting a migraine from this stress and frustration. :(

But then maybe not cause Tom helped alot. Before the stressful afternoon I had a nice lunch with him cause he had the day off. And later he picked me up so we could hang out for awhile. Ate peanut butter gelato, watched Zathura and just relaxed. His brother came home early which sucked, I wish I had some time for just the 2 of us without being interrupted or thinking about when someone is gonna be home. Grrr

Anyway, the rain is bringing out the flowers and last night Tom and I saw a froggie by the house. So that means I better get my butt in gear and clean up the ponds. lol I feel bad when we can't save the eggs cause they're stuck on leaves. And I'm sure the koi are ready to be back out in the big swimming hole. :)

Tom is coming to my graduation. I wish you could be there Eden. But it's a long drive just to see me walk in a cap and gown with a bunch of other people. And you don't like being in the car. So you'll be missed, but maybe you'll be there whenever I graduate with an actual degree that will do something for me. ^_~ I really should look in to colleges with entomology courses... but procrastination is my annoying buddy. hehe

I bought some mead! hehehe it's soo yummy. I have it chilling at home for tonight, I'm going to tempt Tom with it since I usually go over to his house. That and I want him to watch Titus. *Grin*

Gotta finish up some stuff and maybe I'll call mom to pick me up early. It's Friday after all. ^_^

post comment

Penguin Superbowl Sunday Fun ^_^ [12 Feb 2007|09:00pm]
[ mood | silly ]

I can't seem to actually post the slide shows here on LJ... So here are the links. :)






2 comments|post comment

POM to End Deadly Animal Tests! [26 Jan 2007|01:11pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

PETA Victory

Excellent news! I am so very happy to have gotten an email from PETA with good news!

I had joined the campaign by writing a letter stating that I had stopped buying all POM products (and I bought them often...) and I would not buy them again until they stopped funding/conducting the useless horrible animal experiments.

I feel really good now. I felt horrible when I first read about POM... because it meant I had also helped fund animal cruelity since I bought their products over other brands. Made me sick.

3 comments|post comment

Catz [13 Jan 2007|08:04pm]
[ mood | silly ]

I wanted to share with you Eden. ^_^

Lots of pics of kittens!Collapse )

3 comments|post comment

Taken from Fi :) hehe [08 Jan 2007|05:49pm]
[ mood | cold ]

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

The Midland
North Central
The South
The Northeast
The West
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz
post comment

Year 2006 [31 Dec 2006|02:18pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

So this is probably silly and/or stupid… but I thought I’d sit down and write out the major events, thoughts and changes that happened to me in 2006. It’s been quite the year.

Click if you wanna readCollapse )

3 comments|post comment

sheesh [20 Nov 2006|03:55pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

Yeah... so its' been awhile since I've updated my lj...

Alot has been going on... but I seem to have nothing to write out. :/

I'm real tired today. Not been sleeping well. Bad aggrivating dreams and staying up too late couple days last week are not helping.

Mainly I've been feeling scared. It's been a long time since I've had a flare up... How did I forget the pain? ~_~ I stressed about stupid things that turned out to be pointless or not even happen. And classes haven't been going well, which is mostly my fault because I procrastinate.

This morning I talked to my boss Jerry and he asked about school. I told him it was alot this semester, more than usual. And his response was "It doesn't make you bleed." To try and help me put it in perspective... but I almost started to cry... because unfortunately for me that isn't true... At least at the present time. :(

So yeah... I'm happy about Thanksgiving... because it's my favorite holiday but sad that not more family will be here. I really hoped Grandma and Grandpa would be here for this one. *sigh*

I'm going to finish up some work and the mom is picking me up. Once home, I'll be doing more work. Those are for a grade though. hehe o_o

post comment

Honey Hand Dream [08 Oct 2006|02:39am]
[ mood | weird ]

The last couple nights have been kinda rough. Full moon this week. Been having strange dreams, stranger than usual anyway. Most of the time I have forgotten most of a dream by the middle of the day… But one part of a dream has stuck with for 2 days now. I can’t remember all of it except the image of my hand. And I’m concentrating on applying honey to my whole hand. There are two people looking on and making comments but nothing I can remember specifically.

So I thought, since I can't sleep once again, I'd look up some meanings.

To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication.

Most ancient as well as modern sources agree that this is an unusually favorable dream predicting domestic, social and temporal sweetness, which is as lucky as anyone can get.
Honey represents sweetness and feelings that bring you happiness such as love, peace and joy. It is the spirit or life force that sustains us. In the Far East, lies are sometimes called ‘poisoned honey’.

There was lots of similar things on other websites. Kinda interesting considering what's going on in my head concerning Tom... I think maybe I need to talk to him.

I had a fantastic time with him on Friday night. We went to the Blue Man Group concert at the Pepsi. It was really amazing. There was so many really cool and funny moments that I don't want to start typing them out, maybe later, when it's not 2 in the morning lol O_o

post comment

Tis the first of October! Bye bye September [01 Oct 2006|04:44pm]
[ mood | tipsy ]

Who needs Rum & Coke when you've got Rum & Squirt? *grin* And rum gummy buggies, really soaked rum buggies. lol

Decided drinking and cleaning would be more productive than trying to study. So far so good. My room looks much better and I'm throwing away things that I don't need anymore. And packing away things that'll remind me of Tom. I've moved Fezzik the beaver off my bed so I stop cuddling him in my sleep and I've removed the dried rose petals by my computer. I don't want to put away my hemp necklace though... maybe I'll just wear it sparingly. *shrug*

Also found some hidden gifts for sisters birthdays that I was looking for. Hehe I knew I had them stashed somewhere...

If it wasn't raining I would have gone outside andd studied. ;-) But this is more fun in the long run and probably more emotionally healthy, despite the alcohol. ^_^

2 comments|post comment

Tom withdrawal [24 Sep 2006|11:35pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Yeah... so it was me this time that stopped. We're going to try to just be friends again. No more cuddling or kissing even...

I've made it more than a week since I told him... and I've seen him twice since my fumbling confusing confession about needing to stop. I didn't know it was going to hurt so... ~_~

I can't sleep and pathetically have been getting "breakup" and "letting go" and "moving on" songs. *sigh* It's not like we were offically anything...

I didn't know I wanted more, until I knew he didn't and couldn't. :(

I think it fucking sucks that I had to stop being close to him so I didn't fall in love.

I miss him.

2 comments|post comment

Cold Night of Music [06 Sep 2006|02:54pm]
[ mood | okay ]

My throat hurts a bit from screaming last night. Went to the Family Values Tour aka Big Day Out with Kenz and Tom. Of all the weird things, Tom's brother and some of their friends were in the line next to us going in and Tom recognized the back of his head. LOL So had alittle group to stand with. Rained but not all the time, had lawn tickets this time.
I got to see Dir En Grey! We got there just in time. :D They were awesome. Later I bought shirts for both Kenz and I, I'm wearing it right now.. real comfy. ^_^ Though Kenz says it's "scary" lol.
I was going to get a FlyLeaf shirt, cause they were pretty, but the band weren't anything special live... I do like their album though. *shrug*
Korn was lots of fun to watch perform. The other bands were kinda Blah/Boring/Snore... So Korn and Dir En Grey were worth it. (I wanted to see Deadsy but they performed before we got there *pout*)
We got a great spot although standing on cement for hours means I'm going to hurt for more than a week...
Overall not a great night but I did have fun. Including everyone wearing the green pimp hat I got. hehe

1 comment|post comment

*sigh* [31 Aug 2006|10:55am]
[ mood | sad ]

Today is Maggie's last day... I got her a going away gift last night. Shopping with Kenzie was nice, although tiring...

It's not going to be right here at the office without Maggie. :(

I don't know what else to say... I'm trying to mostly feel happy for her but it's difficult. And it's been so hard not being able to help her this week. She's stressed and unhappy and I couldn't do anything to help. ~_~
That's what I do... help Maggie, make her happy, make things less stressful... but I've been useless to her and it hurts.

Coping with change is not something I do easily...

this sucks. :(

I keep reminding myself, she's not leaving the country. *lopsided smile* That's something...

post comment

It's Sunday [20 Aug 2006|01:50pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

It's been 2 weeks since Loki passed away... I miss him.


Today is the last day of the Fair. And the tomorrow will be my last day as the Barn Supervisor. I'm sticking to it this time, we've already been telling exhibitors that we're done. It's a thankless exhausting job and 8 years is enough.


My last hermit crab, Jack, died this week... little guy just got new sand and everything and he goes and dies on me! :(


Maggie will be leaving DEC for a permanent job. I'm trying to not get depressed over this... but she's the one who hired me, showed me around, and is a good friend... I know this is really great for her but there's also the fact that she doesn't want to leave either... So I'm both sad and happy for her.
At least she's not leaving the country... That's usually what happens to my good friends. ~_^


On a lighter note, a married friend, Donna, at work is teaching me to flirt. LOL She pointed out a cute guy was giving me "the eye" and I didn't notice. *is an airhead* So we'll be going back to see the guy again and see if I can smarten up and flirt back. I did notice him... but uh... I'm shy and silly and didn't think it was anything. I told Donna next time to elbow me when a guy is flirting, not tell me about it once we've walked away. *giggles*


The lightning storm kept me up last night. I've been so tired this week... I knew working both full time and the Fair would be crazy. I would love a small vacation to relax and get ready for my next semester which starts the end of this month... but I don't want to miss Maggie's last days. :/

post comment

Taking a break from data entry [27 Jul 2006|01:32pm]
[ mood | busy ]

Allergies are kicking my ass this week... I'd take a benadryl but I don't think my bosses would appreciate me sleeping on my keyboard. lol

The pile of data sheets is almost gone! I can't freaking believe it! I hope I get them all entered today... that would be soooo amazingly wonderful. Of course, next week a new pile will begin but the backlog will be gone! O_O

So that being said, this small break should be over. *sigh*

post comment

Short update [21 Jul 2006|02:12pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Bored here at work. Can't access stupid database to update trap records. >_> Leaves me with very little to do if I can't use ISIS. Stupid evil program. I hurried through all my other work this morning so I could spend the afternoon working on ISIS. Not too smart. lol
I still haven't quite caught the state worker mentality I guess. ^_~

I be going to see Blue October this evening!! WHOOT! *does a little jig in her chair since all her bosses are in a meeting* hehe
I got the tickets yesterday, I ordered them early last month. *rollseyes* Was supposed to get them at least a week before the date of the event so was just a tad nervous.
There's also a band called People in Planes, that I spend some time on their website this week and I'm excited about seeing them too. I'm pretty positive I'll buy one of their albums. :)

Loki was real sick yesterday. I didn't think he'd be with me past the morning. So I didn't come to work yesterday and spent almost the entire day with Loki. He ate some lettece and a yogurt drop when I ate lunch and then he slowly started to improve. I'm so very happy that he's still with me... He had a bit of his attitude back this morning too. ^_^ Much better than comatose-like piggie.

Well, I guess I can pin and identify some insects while I wait for 4o'clock to come. :D

post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]